Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A Time To Reflect

I have basically settled into what is more or less the weight I think I will stay at.  I might go down to 190 to see what it's all about.  But I do feel comfortable at 200 and not to puny.  I think it's going to be more about what I do in the gym than anything else from here on out.  I need to build some lean muscle mass and get rid of the excess fat and hopefully tighten up the body.  I also want to be flexible and in good aerobic condition.  It's about getting in the best physical condition I possibly can for the rest of my life.  I deserve nothing less than the best I have to give and I expect nothing less than that from myself.  I can't tell myself I can't do something, I left that excuse behind 115 pounds ago.  I am actually enjoying pushing my physical limits and seeing how far I can go.  I've got a lot more in me than I ever thought I did, especially at my age.  I also have to say that I have had no cardiac symptoms in all of the time I have been working out.  I haven't taken a Nitro Glycerin in close to 2 years.  Actually I had one brief episode that took me to my doctor, it turned out to be an electrolyte imbalance, I started drinking Gatorade and that was the end of it.  When I decided to embark on this journey, I went to my cardiologist and told him I was going to lose 100 pounds and do a triathlon.  He told me if I passed a nuclear stress test, I had his blessings.
Well you know I passed that sucker and the rest is history.  I lost the weight and have been training for the triathlon but am shooting for something in 2011.  That will give me enough time to get into proper shape to make it respectable.  My knees are not good so running is still questionable but if I want it badly enough, I can walk the run segment.  We'll see.............There's always the swim around Manhattan.  Easier on the knees!  I tweaked my knee last week and it reminded me how unstable that torn ACL can be.  It likes to be treated gently!

I see my doctor on Monday and expect to cut out 1 or 2 more meds, leaving me down to only a couple.  I can live with that.........unless I find some effective natural alternatives that my MD agrees with.  Getting off as many meds as possible was always a primary goal in losing the weight.

It has been a time to reflect deeply within myself.........the Universe has given me an incredible opportunity to examine myself and make long lasting changes.  I have some things going on in my life that pose some interesting challenges to me.  My first instinct is to react in the way I usually would, but I'm not that person anymore.  Before, I would have stuffed my face and numbed the situation with food.  I no longer even have those desires.  I don't know what happened to the emotional eating that I suffered with all my life, but it's Gone, just gone!  So now that I'm not going to anesthetize myself with food, I can actually stay in the moment with my feelings and decide how I want to react.  My emotions tell me to react one way, but I am at a place where I don't need to react out of pain or fear, I can wait and meditate on things, I can decide what is the best way to react for me, the way that moves me forward in a positive way toward the person I want to be.  The choice is mine to make, what an empowering place to be............which means, that my happiness is all up to me.  But then who else should it be up to!  Ultimately, I am responsible for everything in my life, because it is up to me how I react to everything that happens.  That might mean letting go of some old behavior patterns that no longer serve me, and honestly, never did!  I do have to say, that I like the person I'm becoming.

I find myself being much more thoughtful about things lately, I don't know if that is such a good thing since I usually think too much to begin with.  But I hope that my thoughts are positive and flowing in a direction that leads me forward on my journey.  I have to say that I am in a period of personal growth the likes of which I have never experienced before in my life.  I feel very fortunate that I have gotten to this place.  I pray that I can continue to challenge myself to be the best I can and always just a little better than yesterday.  I do hope that some of you reading this will get as much out of it as I have gotten out of writing it.  I've gotten much more than I ever thought I would.  The inner changes happen slower than the outer ones.  But it has always been about the journey and not the destination.  The weight loss, while a short term goal, was only about the greater goal, a healthy and happy life, and so the journey continues.......................

I now find myself needing a whole new wardrobe, anyone have an uncle in the shmata business???  I could use a family discount!  Now that I've won, where's my cash and prizes?  Johnny, tell him what he's won!!!
He's won the right to live his life...........the biggest prize of all!

Love & Light,
Marty

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