The pool has been closed for maintenance for the past 2 weeks and to say I am jonesing for the water would be a huge understatement. I have discovered spinning and the pretty machines in the gym and am quickly becoming a bit of a gym rat. I suppose there are worse things that could happen to me. I took a Pilates mat class and a Yoga class and really enjoyed them although they did kick my ass! For all the miles I can swim and weight I can pump, I realized that I have a long way to go to real fitness as I watched the old lady on the mat next to me, breezing through the routines as I struggled. I did have some trouble balancing on one foot and realized that I need to work on my core strength. And metaphorically, as balance is important physically, it is also important in our lives in general.
I have reached my weight goals and now have to figure out how to go from weight loss mode to maintenance mode. How much do I work out to maintain and not become addicted to the gym so it becomes nothing more than substituting food for working out. But is that a bad thing? I suppose if it means swapping addictions, then it is.........but if I have really just changed my lifestyle and don't get too obsessive, then it's OK! It's a matter of balance!
Which brings me to taking all this shit too seriously! I have become aware, as I compose this blog, that for the past 18 months, I have taken my weight loss and new lifestyle very seriously. And I suppose to accomplish what I set out to do, one probably has to. However, now that I no longer have to lose over 100 pounds, what now? I have to balance my spiritual work, with my physical work and nutrition and the music is essential and we all have lives to lead! But I might have forgotten how to be lighthearted and just have fun! I guess that is one of the casualties of 10 years of care giving and waiting for death, but that's no excuse anymore. And now that I'm the new and improved Marty, it's time to lighten up and not take myself so damn seriously! What have I been thinking? How can anyone take this crazy life too seriously?
I think it's time to take my new body and new life and enjoy them! Wasn't that the idea in the first place, to be healthy enough and feel good enough to embrace life and live it! Yes it was!!! And that is exactly what I intend to do..............find me some balance and start living the life I want! I have had my share of death in my life, it seems to never be too far, I have some close friends who won't be winning their current battles,
and it will be time to say goodbye again. Life is precious, and not to be wasted on pettiness and bullshit that rob us of our time and energy. I carried my hurt and anger around until I could hardly carry it anymore. Let it go! Just let it go! If I'm not happy or something is bothering me, it's probably something I'm holding onto that is keeping me from being what I want to be. It's a little scary when you realize that you are the Captain of your ship............everything that happens, you have a choice in how you react to it. I was a victim for too long, I choose never to be again! This is my life and I own it! Happiness is not a person, place or thing, it is a state of mind, a peace that emanates from deep within! A stillness amidst the turmoil of the world. Sounds good, right? Well that's the goal.............the life I want. Light hearted enlightenment!
I can't really imagine why anyone would really be interested in my story.
My friends are all so proud of me, but I kind of look at it as, I let myself get so terribly out of shape, so how much praise do I deserve for finally doing what I should have done a long time ago. But now that I've done it, I guess it's easy to get a little cocky and forget how hard I struggled and failed and suffered trying to lose and not being able to for so many years.
It's only by the grace of God and a dear friend that I finally was able to save my life! I probably had a little help from my parents who are Angels now. How I wish they could see me now...........but I suppose they can!
I have written this blog in the sincere hope that my story might touch someone to do the same thing I have and start living the life you want and deserve!
What are you waiting for?
So I've lost 115 pounds and worked my ass off to do it! Big deal! La dee fuckin' da! Hey Marty, don't take yourself so seriously! Since you've lost all that weight, it should be easy for you to Lighten Up!!!
And so I shall.................except maybe when I'm blogging, cause that's some serious shit!
Along with the new body, I redisovered the music. On the journey, I have written 12 new songs that I am recording tracks for tomorrow. I finished my last album in 1996, the next one will be in 2011. It's been way too long. I thank the Muse with all my heart! I feel whole in a way that I haven't in so many years, and in some ways, ever. I am Blessed to be at this place in my life...........I take nothing for granted! Everyday holds the potential for Miracles to happen in your life. If you're mindful of them!
Love & Light,
Marty
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