Today I hit the scales at 199............I have not seen that since I was 15 maybe. It was a surreal feeling to see that number, even though I have been working towards it. I'm not sure where my weight will end up, I'm toying with 190 just to see what it feels like, but I think I kinda like 200. A good number and I don't want to get too small, I like feeling formidable.
But it is a milestone day for me as I have never been under 200 in my adult life!!! WOW!
I thought I'd share a few more things that have changed since I lost the weight. Someone asked me today if people treat me differently now that I've lost the weight. Well, I think so, people aren't always that nice to fat people in general. It is the one bastian of discrimination that seems to be acceptable in society. I have found that people are a lot more willing to sit next to me on the bus. Women smile at me more readily in the street. I suppose that I smiled a lot less at 315............I wasn't a happy camper.
I have been hearing that I am an inspiration a lot lately. Frankly, I'm flattered but it makes me a little uncomfortable at the same time. I just did what I needed to do to save my own life. But I guess there could have been an alternative ending where I didn't. Maybe in some parallel universe, that's exactly what's happening now. But by the grace of God I succeeded in my quest for health. I do know how hard it is to get started, I tried for 25 years and couldn't really do it. But here I am and I have! So I share my story in the hope that it will resonate with someone else to do the same thing I did. That will give a new purpose to my life and what a gift that will be. I do hope some of my friends take my lead and take better care of themselves. I have lost some friends in the last few years and I'd like to keep as many around as I can! ;-)
I mentioned that I felt like I had lived in a self imposed prison, being so heavy, my suit of armor. Well now that it's gone, I feel like a child, peering out from the corner, no more prison, seeing if it's safe to come out. I have been friendlier to people in general, because I no longer feel so isolated, even among people. I accept myself so I don't need acceptance from other's. It's nice to have, but I don't Need it! I have it for myself. I find it much easier to talk to people I meet now that I am not hiding behind a wall of "protection". Twas blind.........but now I see~
OK.............since tonight's post is about numbers, sort of, I'll share a couple more. I started at 52 waist and 60 chest, 3-4XL shirts. I am now a loose 34 waist and about a 42-44, jacket, down from 60. I wear a L-XL shirt now. I can shop anywhere I want! I was talking with a trainer at the gym, who has done the same thing I have and we were comparing notes.
He became a personal trainer and changed his career path as a result of the weight loss and inner work. It is a very powerful and empowering thing to go through. I am in the midst of a time of personal growth the likes of which I have never experienced in my life. I have such a wonderful opportunity to get so many things in my life right. What a Blessing that is..............to truly examine who I am and change what I don't think works. One day at a time............one foot in front of the other!
I wrote a new song last night.............it just poured out of my fingertips, complete in one playing. I do feel that with the weight gone, I am more open emotionally and spiritually. Perhaps that's why the Muse has returned to me. I've made my life a fertile place for creativity.........that's my story and I'm sticking to it! But the music has been flowing. I just finished producing an album for a very talented singer/songwriter Maggie Moor, and I am in the process of finishing composing and producing a meditation CD based on the accupuncture meridians for Dr. Lisa Van Ostrand. And of course, my album is under way and I couldn't be more delighted at how well it is starting out.
So I continue to grow and discover myself.............I've learned a lot!
I share my happiness with you............
Love & Light,
Marty
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